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Colossal Reviews > 1983

What’s New by Linda Ronstadt and the Nelson Riddle Orchestra (Vinyl record album review)

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Record basics

  • Album name: What’s New
  • Group name: Nelson Riddle Orchestra
  • Artist name: Linda Ronstadt
  • Year: 1983
  • Number of discs: one
  • Label: Asylum Records
  • Collection: Selman
  • Distinguishing characteristics:
    • Scratched into side 1 of LP: ST – EA – 60260 – A – 2 O B 18455 – A2 SLM △ 5094
    • Scratched into side 2 of LP: ST – EA – 60260 – B – 3 O B 18456 – B3 SLM △ 5094-X
  • Buy it on Amazon: $74.88

What's New by Linda Ronstadt and the Nelson Riddle Orchestra

My review

Level of familiarity before listening

I’ve never heard of this record before, but it will be the eighth Linda Ronstadt record that I review. The previous seven were:

What I expected

This appears to be Linda Ronstadt teaming up with some kind of orchestral group to record pre-rock pop music. I do not expect to like it.

What it was actually like

I really wanted to be able to say at least one good thing about this record, so here it is: as always, Linda Ronstadt’s voice was very nice.

Everything else about this music was abysmal, however. I was not familiar with any of the songs, and there was not a single positive thing about any of them. The orchestral musical backing was terrible.

Music like this was not just why rock and roll was successful when it first appeared in the 1950s, but why rock and roll was necessary: this music was so dreadful and so soporific that homo sapiens might have gone extinct if it had remained popular.

Grade

1/5: horrible enough that I couldn’t make it through

An Innocent Man by Billy Joel (Vinyl record album review)

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Record basics

  • Album name: An Innocent Man
  • Artist name: Billy Joel
  • Year: 1983
  • Number of discs: one
  • Label: CBS
  • Collection: Selman
  • Buy it on Amazon: $7.50

An Innocent Man by Billy Joel

My review

Level of familiarity before listening

I don’t think I’ve ever heard this record, and have never listened to Billy Joel intentionally (and have always gotten him confused with Bruce Springsteen), but I do recognize at least two of the songs, Uptown Girl and The Longest Time.

What I expected

Soft rock.

What it was actually like

This was a really unusual record. I was prepared to mock Billy Joel relentlessly for trying to look “punk,” but actually, though none of this music was punk at all, there were certain things about it that were aligned with the punk ethos, which is highly reactionary: most of An Innocent Man sounded like it was explicitly meant to evoke earlier musical eras, particularly 1950s and 1960s American music, which is more or less consistent with groups like the Ramones.

The title track An Innocent Man was everything about why I’ve never listened to a Billy Joel record before: weird vocals, weird rhythm, too much piano, too slow, no energy, and it went on far too long.

Easy Money was a soul song and, not to compare, but it kind of evoked Sam Cooke’s Twistin’ the Night Away, though it was nowhere near as good.

Similarly, Christie Lee reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, but could not seriously be compared to Little Richard (or John Goodman).

The Longest Time was played on the radio when I was growing up, and I think I always assumed that it was an actual oldie (ie, a doo wop song from when doo wop was actually popular), but I guess it was not! And it’s pretty song solid! Nicely done, Billy Joel!

This Night also had an oldie sound, but with much more rock instrumentation and much less of a great melody, and the saxophone was terrible.

Uptown Girl was another that I heard on the radio when I was growing up, and I think it’s a good song. I wouldn’t want to listen to it more than one or two times in a year, though.

Tell Her About It was another that I recognized, but not as well, and it had a soul sound, too. The other soul songs were Leave a Tender Moment Alone and Careless Talk, the latter of which also had some doo wop elements.

Keeping the Faith weirdly tried a reggae-type beat and was not successful.

Grade

4/5: would listen again

25 #1 Hits From 25 Years by Various Artists (Vinyl record album review)

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Record basics

  • Album name: 25 #1 Hits From 25 Years
  • Artist name: Various artists, including The Supremes, The Temptations, The Four Tops, Marvin Gaye, The Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross
  • Year: 1983
  • Number of discs: two
  • Label: Motown
  • Collection: Selman
  • Buy it on Amazon: $55.00

25 #1 Hits From 25 Years

My review

Level of familiarity before listening

I’m a fan of Motown and I think my Motown playlist comes from a collection somewhat like this one. I’ve also previously reviewed Motown Mania and the five-disc Come And Get These Memories: The Motown Story.

What I expected

About an hour and a half of Motown.

What it was actually like

Motown is a musical style as well as a record label, and I’m reminded of that fact whenever I listen to one of these compilations, as I think the musical style is great, but the record label also produced and marketed a lot of crap.

In this case, the first side of four was outstanding, with only one song that I don’t like: I Want You Back by the Jackson 5. The Supremes’ You Can’t Hurry Love in particular is one of my all time favorites, and here were all the songs in order of excellence:

  1. You Can’t Hurry Love by The Supremes
  2. I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) by The Four Tops
  3. Baby Love by The Supremes
  4. Please Mr. Postman by The Marvelettes (particularly important to me as I write and send paper mail every day)
  5. My Girl by The Temptations
  6. Reach Out I’ll Be There by The Four Tops
  7. I Heard It Through the Grapevine by Marvin Gaye
  8. I Want You Back by The Jackson 5

The other three sides, however, were not good. Here are my least favorite songs from each other side:

  • Side 2: You Are The Sunshine of My Life by Stevie Wonder
  • Side 3: Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) by The Temptations
  • Side 4: Three Times A Lady by The Commodores

Grade

2/5: bad, but I was able to listen to the whole thing (but the first side was 5/5)

Stars and Stripes Forever! by University of Michigan Symphony Band and H. Robert Reynolds (Vinyl record album review)

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Record basics

  • Album name: Stars and Stripes Forever!
  • Group name: University of Michigan Symphony Band and H. Robert Reynolds
  • Year: 1983
  • Number of discs: one
  • Label: Sinfonia Digital
  • Collection: Brenner / Gessner
  • Who owned it: unknown
  • Discogs
  • Ebay: $9.60

Stars and Stripes Forever! by University of Michigan Symphony Band and H. Robert Reynolds

My review

Level of familiarity before listening

Ummmm… I guess I’ve heard a variety of military marches at different times, like at Independence Day fireworks or Memorial Day parades.

What I expected

A heaping dose of patriotism, delivered by a large variety of brass instruments and some percussion.

What it was actually like

Before I even try to write anything about this record, I have to address an important question, which is why I found it in my parents’ collection, and the answer is that I don’t know. I assumed that it was my father’s, but he hasn’t weighed in on the matter, and my mother only claims that I loved listening to patriotic military marches as a small child. Is that true? I have no idea, but I do know that small children like whatever music that they perceive the adults expect them to like, which brings us back to the original question.

I also recall, and my mother confirms, that my maternal grandparents were extremely enthusiastic about American patriotic songs, even routinely singing songs like God Bless America[1] on car trips, so maybe the record came from them? Unfortunately they’re not around anymore, and neither of my parents seems prepared to admit to purchasing it, so its origin is likely to remain a mystery.

Ok. I’m afraid that I have no idea how I can even evaluate this form of music to write a review of it. It’s fun to listen to it, though, and even though I think the military march genre really lends itself to the Oompa Loompa style, these songs don’t strike me as Oompa Loompa music at all, which is wonderful.

I only recognized a couple of the tracks, and perhaps embarrassingly, Washington Post turned out to be what I thought The Stars and Stripes Forever was. But when I finally got to The Stars and Stripes Forever, I thought, of course! That is that song!

Grade

3/5: interesting, but not for me

References

References
↑1 Infamously, hearing the constant repetition of Kate Smith’s version of this Irving Berlin song on the radio drove Woody Guthrie to… write This Land Is Your Land, which was also one of my grandparents’ favorites.