Top Gun (movie review)

Movie basics

Title: Top Gun

Director: Tony Scott

Year: 1986

Starring: Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer

Buy it on Amazon: $7.89

My review

What I expected

There’s a movie playing in theaters now called Top Gun: Maverick, that I believe is supposed to be a sequel to the original Top Gun from 1986. The new one is getting a lot of attention and it made me realize that I had never seen the original, probably in part because I was five years old at the time it was released.

Here’s an example of some hype: @elonmusk: Original Top Gun is a great movie. Just rewatched. Looking forward to seeing the sequel.

I don’t have a particularly high opinion of Tom Cruise, but Top Gun seems to have been so beloved that I assumed I would enjoy it.

What it was actually like

I made it 31 minutes and 27 seconds into Top Gun. That includes:

A 10 minute combat scene with absolutely no context whatsoever because it was the opening scene of the movie

A melodramatic encounter between a pilot and his commanding officer (“I’m holdin’ on too tight. I’ve lost the edge. I’m sorry, sir.” [places badge thing on desk]

More stupid context-free melodrama (I hate you but I also have to reward you)

Some romantic comedy gimmicks (“Lieutenant, I have top secret clearance. The Pentagon sees to it that I know more than you.”)

Another (simulated) combat scene

And that’s when I turned it off.

One question: what has Elon been smoking?

At any rate, the commanding officer of the aircraft carrier was played by James Tolkan, who also played the principal in Back to the Future, so that was cool.

Who should watch it

People who mainly watch TikTok videos and have no interest in plot or character development.

Grade

1/5: horrible enough that I couldn’t make it through